Stuck At Ft. Lost-In-The-Woods

We move at two speeds here in the Army... hurry up and wait. I've had the invitation to this thing sitting in my mailbox for the past few months, but due to the limited amount of personal time and freedom, this went on my "wait" list. Not too much has happened in my life the past five and a half (give or take) months, but I'll catch y'all up anyway.

I joined the United States Army (officially) on 17 March 2005. There's a song we sing that goes, "I don't know why I left, but I must have been stoned," and that's about as much explanation I can come up with for signing up. Of course, you can't be under the influence to join, but I don't really have a good reason for signing on that dotted line. I just called up my recruiter and told him to pick me up, feed me lunch, and put me in the army. Two weeks later I was on a bus to Ft. Jackson, SC, for Basic Combat Training.

For 10 weeks I was told on a daily basis how easy we had it, and that the only reason the Army accepts pieces-of-shit privates like us is to fill body bags. I don't care what the drill sergeants say--BCT broke my weak little body off. Before enlisting, all I could do was wait tables and play with computers. About a million push-ups and a thousand miles later, I could march, kill, and talk like a soldier. Yay for me. I graduated 26 May (my mommy has the _terrible_ pictures to prove it), then got on a bus to Ft. Lee, VA, for Advanced Individual Training, where I would learn how to be a Petroleum Supply Specialist (gas pumper). There's a lot more to pumping fuel than you might think, and because we had to move at a half-step so the "special" soldiers could keep up, it took 10 weeks to become qualified for my Military Occupational Specialty. Then Uncle Sam decided it isn't enough for me to know how to operate the pumps and fuel filters on the tankers we use, but that I should also learn to drive them big sumbitches. So they shipped me to Ft. Leonard Wood, MO, for Petroleum Vehicle Operator Course.

I thought that I would leave drill sergeants behind once I graduated from AIT, but oh boy was I mistaken. My class has the toughest DS in the company. The fact that she's a female is just icing on the cake. The females always have something to prove... I've been here for about two weeks now, and I've got to admit the treatment is a lot better than I grew accustomed to in AIT. We get released every day around 1730, and we don't have to be anywhere until our Physical Training formation (Mon. through Fri.) at 0440. We're also allowed to enjoy the full weekend... until accountability formation on Sunday at 1600. This would be more of a luxury if there was anything around post to do, but since the Army decided to put Fort Lost-In-The-Woods in the BFE, where land is cheap, everyone just sits around with our thumbs up our asses. The only things off post is a Wal-Mart, a Ruby Tuesday (blech), and a titty bar. I get everything I need at the Post Exchange and Commissary, and I eat at the Dining Facility, so you can guess where I end up on the weekends. Three more weeks of this garbage and I'll be off to Ft. Benning, GA.

I've been telling my buddies for months now that I wanted to go to airborne school and learn how to jump out of airplanes, but when I missed the opportunity to sign-up the second time, I started to change my mind. For the past week, I've been telling people I'd be heading to my duty station after I graduate here, but something happened today. My drill sergeant had some information to put out after school today, and the last thing on her list was to find airborne volunteers. She told me it would likely be my last chance to sign up, and also that I wouldn't be allowed to back out, so I raised my hand before I could start to think about the consequences. So it's a done deal. After I get awarded my little certificate that says I know how to drive big-ass trucks, I'll be getting on a plane bound for Fort Benning, GA. Then, instead of being bossed around by Noncommisioned Officers in funny brown hats, I'll be bossed around by NCOs in black baseball caps. I don't know what's worse, but I'll finish up there after only three weeks. If my commander at jump school approves it, I'll be taking 10-14 days leave after I get my jump wings.

As of right now, my final destination is the 1st Cavalry Division, which is at Fort Hood, TX. However, since that isn't an airborne unit, I will most likely get new orders for a unit that jumps out of planes. The Airborne Recruiter told me I'll most likely end up in Fort Bragg, NC, with the 82nd Airborne Division... that's the one you want. When it comes to esprit de corps, the 82nd takes the cake.

For now, though, I'm focused on what's right in front of me, and I've got a long day tomorrow, so it's time to hit the rack. Hope everyone's doing well. Talk to y'all some more later. (Oh and I promise I'm getting my phone turned on payday, mommy.)

-Dave