Shank you with a cheeseburger!!

This week has gotten off to quite an interesting start...


(Warning: Wall of text incoming)
**You guys will need to use your imagination when it comes to the bloits, blits, blarts, etc.

On Sunday I had to cut work because I was having a foot problem and I kept losing my balance on even minor slopes. So I ended up visiting Harbor UCLA where they promptly set me down in the waiting room. I ended up waiting for FIVE BLOITIN HOURS! At the time it was about 10:30 so I ended up having to head to the bus stop cause if I kept sitting in that cursed waiting room I would've missed another day of work and my ass would've been canned. So I proceeded out to the bus stop only to find it infested with ROACHES! For those of you who don't know, I have a pretty bad phobia of cockroaches and under normal circumstances I would've probably stood shaking in fear and pacing away from those tiny terrors. But today, I was Blitted off, my foot still hurt, and I was hungry (What that had to do with anything I don't really know) and I used my repressed anger and my size 15 shoes to wipe those bloits off of the face of the harbor UCLA bus stop! What began as a hospital visit ended with a 30 minute massacre of vermin that left Dozens of roaches dead :)

After I realized that the bus had stopped running I began the long 12ish mile walk home. I stopped at a weinerschnitzel and got my dinner there and tossed most of it away after realizing I didn't like weinerschnitzel. After abut an hour I arrived near the del amo mall on Hawthorne and Torrance blvd. However I took a shortcut through a backstreet because it curved around a bit and would've knocked 5-10 minutes offa my trip. The road was poorly lit and flanked by various trucker related buisinesses and towards the end it made a sharp left and there was a big oil plant.

As I began moving down this long lonely road I saw a cat up ahead running away. I didnt really think anything of it so I just kept walking, and as I moved forward I saw another cat bookin it away. This sight repeated itself a couple more times and each time I didnt think anything unusual was happening. Then I started to arrive where the road turned. I saw the cats clumped together near a bush about 20 feet away. I stopped and saw them doing an odd swaying motion. I moved closer to try and see what they were doing and I immediately stopped once I realized the terrifying truth...they weren't cats at all. They were SKUNKS!!!!!!! A mere 11 feet away from me were 3 skunk Blarts waving at me and a fourth was coming to reinforce them with its funk! In less than a tenth of a second I was on the other side of the road. I walked away quickly fearing for my hygiene till I was forced to stop.

The road ahead was long, and completely unlit. On each side were areas that some random skunk could be hiding. I thought the risk too great so I began to turn back when I heard the pills in my pocket shake. They made a loud sound each time I took a step so I took them out my pocket and began shaking them like a madman as I moved slowly into the darkness hoping to scare any skunks away before they were in range to skunkify me. After about 10 minutes I emerged into a well lit civilized and skunk free area. It took another hour before I finally reached home and this dramatic oddessey was ended.

The next day at work began as it did normally but then one of our new hires began being bothering me. She kept poking at me when I didnt hit the close check button to print out the checks before the customers payed. Once the customers left I told her to stop poking me or I'd shank her with a cheeseburger. She looked at me like I was insane, which isn't unusual when one says a really random comment like that, but that triggered a long conversation with my lead Wilson about how you would in theory essentially shank someone with a cheeseburger. On the show myth busters they did an episode where they used 300mph winds to shoot straw into a palm tree. The straw went in about 3 inches so I've been trying to figure out how much force would be needed to force a 1lb cheeseburger at that speed in about 2 feet before any forces can really act on it and tear it apart. Because of my poor physics skills I've yet to find that answer...

Also today I won an ebay bid with 7 seconds left for a super awesome Dell desktop.