Father's Day

A friend told me I should call Dad today, wish him a happy Father's Day, and generally make a fuss over him on what should be a special day. I didn't know what to say.

I'm not angry or bitter or vengeful or any of those things over what happened to all of us growing up. It's an unfortunate reality that he used what he had to work with, probably what had been handed down to him. And I'm empathetic about that to a large degree. I also know that most of us have developed strengths we might not otherwise have had as a result of growing up under the conditions we did.

I wouldn't, however, feel good about putting on a face, acting like nothing had happened or that he was alright now, or feigning a relationship that isn't there. The way he is is the way he is. I have accepted that. He was not capable of being a dad to us in most ways, and it shows in the way we've all struggled with our lives since coming through the experience of growing up Rosche.

I'm pretty impressed by our collective resilience since leaving home. Yup - we've all made bad decisions, some with overwhelmingly negative consequences. A third of us are probably damaged beyond repair, but the rest are good, smart, warm, funny women who have, by some miracle, done a pretty decent job of raising our kids despite often not having much to work with (and these kids are something else!). We've learned from our mistakes and made better choices, including picking better brothers-in-law the second time around.

So, I still don't know how, or if, I should respond to my friend's encouragement to make a fuss over Dad. But it got me thinking about how a father can often be the person that makes or breaks a child. If you find yourself with a few minutes to reflect and respond it'd be great if you shared your thoughts with everyone.