86 Jump School -- Sub Permanent Duty Station
My drill sergeant dropped the ball on my airborne school paperwork, so I won't be going to Ft. Benning as I had hoped. Instead, I am now on my way to good old Ft. Hood, Texas. I was supposed to get on a bus to the airport at 1100 this morning, but apparently paperwork isn't one of the Army's strong points. The sergeant that handles all processing for my unit at Ft. Leonard Wood screwed up something major. In the orders he did up for me, he left room for 12 days of leave before I had to report to Ft. Hood. However, since I did not submit a leave request, he baically sentenced me to another 12 days at Ft. LostInTheWoods, at the end of which I would have to pay my own way to my duty station.
After waiting around most of the day, they finally got me on a Greyhound to the St. Louis airport, where I will be spending the night. I'm in the USO lounge here, and the nice military mommies filled my belly with a hot meal and sleeping pills. I gotta get on a plane at 0600 tomorrow, so I'm gonna hit the easy chair. I'll let y'all know how Ft. Hood is. BOYAKASHA...safe...westside!
posted by Dave | 8:08 PM
8 Comments:
Agh! I see you are still going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Seriously it sounds really exciting but if it was me, I know I would be the one screaming bloody murder and wetting my pants all the way down.
Can you e-mail me your new address when you get it? I promise I won't send you anything embarrasing like pink bunny slippers or underoos.
I'm at Ft. Hood now, but I'll be in a replacement company until Thursday. I report to my gaining unit on Friday, so I'll give y'all my address then. bubye
No, Leeser - the Drill Sergeant screwed up so now he's going to Texas to Fort Hood. 1st Cavalry, I think.
My friend at work, whose BF is stationed @ Ft. Hood, says 1st Cav just got back from Iraq. So maybe they won't be shipping Private Dave off just yet.
BTW, I really appreciate the mommies feeding my boy, but WTF is up with them supplying drugs???
Okay, either I need to lay of the cold tablets or I seriously need to brush up on my geography and reading comprehension.
My theory about the sleeping pills is that is was done in self defense - they knew a trouble maker when they saw him ;)
i had to catch a plane at 0600 and the "sleeping area" was a bunch of recliners in a low-lit hallway near the tv lounge. and it didn't help that i had to sleep in my class a's... after my third cup of hot chocolate, they caught on and whipped out the tylenol pm.
oh and i forgot to tell you about what went on this morning at the airport. apparently i was "randomly selected by the federal government to undergo a second, more thorough security screening." i got a late start this morning (the pills mighta had something to do with it), and it took me like 15 minutes just to shave and brush my teeth in the stupid airport latrine. so i get to security about 5 minutes after my flight started boarding. since i was in class a's, i figured i might be able to weasel my way up to the front of the line with some official-sounding bullshit. i bypassed the line and approached the man that was checking boarding passes at the metal detectors and explained to him that i was on orders and _could not_ miss my flight, which was about to leave. he told me he was "grateful for my service, blah blah blah," and then told me i was a "selectee." the screening area was behind a glass wall right next to the line for security, and i stood there (in full dress uniform) on display as my bags were being ransacked. the jackass had me take everything off until all i was wearing were my trousers and white undershirt (definitely _not_ the regulation). he finished the humiliation at 0550, ten minutes before the plane was scheduled to take off. after repacking my backpack and putting on my shoes, belt, shirt, tie, and jacket, i double-timed it all the way to my gate, which looked like a ghost town. i went to the gate agent at the next gate, and she was very very understanding and very very nice. i told her what i had just been put through, and she told me what she thought about those disgusting fat-bodies that work for the tsa. she put me on the next flight to texas and upgraded me to first class. she told me that if someone ever tries to issue me a tainted ticket again (they're marked SSSS) that i should talk to a supervisor and demand a clean one, especially if i was in uniform. her son is stationed in ft. drum, and she said that's what he does every time he goes home. (apparently the tsa doesn't trust soldiers very much.) when i got to dfw, i talked to the gate agent at my connecting flight and told her that i just got back from the field and hadn't slept in days, and those cramped coach-class seats always give me leg and neck cramps. she waved her magic wand, gave me my new boarding pass, and put me at the front of the line so i could get a head-start on my nap. i was the first one on the plane, so the fag flight crew was giving me all the attention at first. this one stewardess (who may very well be the queerest man in texas) asked me how my day was going, so i gave him a more elaborate version of my developing sob story. he suggested a jack and coke, and i felt obliged to accept it (and the next two he brought me). i took a 30-minute power nap and woke up as we were landing. i love flying in uniform... and flamboyant gay dudes working on airplanes... and warm towels...
Now THAT'S how to work it.
LMAO! Dave, you know you rate when you have the men and the ladies falling down at your feet. Male flight attendants are hilarious. I have yet to meet one that isn't flaming.
hoar...
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